Edgar “Stumpy” Fremont of Greenville, Mississippi, made a discovery on Saturday night before leaving his home, a discovery that may have saved him hours of evening ridicule.
“S’funny, you know?” Fremont muttered between lower-lip gobs of Kodiak. “I’z looked at me in the mirror and seent I was wearin’ too many sleeves!”
Indeed, Fremont — in a momentary lapse of white trash judgment — had put on a t-shirt with two regularly sized sleeves. This, of course, is frowned upon in the hick circles in which he fraternizes, seen as an act of pretentious aggression.
“So, you know, I changed. I don’t wants them boys thinkin’ I’z a professor or nothin’,” the twenty-eight-year old father of seven said.
Luckily, he also noticed the belt he was wearing — a recent purchase from the local Wal-Mart — before it was too late. The only thing worse than a sleeved-up sissy, according to Fremont, is a “big-shot showing off his fancy pants-adjusting machine.”