Sonic The Hedgehog Fired by Sega Over Racist, Anti-Italian Remarks

Sega’s recent partnership with Nintendo to team-up the two company’s most iconic stars — Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario — has been a boon to each franchise, with total video game sales exceeding 20 million.

According to industry insiders, however, this seemingly made-in-heaven union has come to an abrupt end.

Spotted leaving a bar in Beverly Hills on Thursday, Sonic — who appeared inebriated and disheveled, based on observer reports — was confronted by a horde of TMZ paparazzi who asked the aging star about his new friendship with his former rival.

“Who? The Wop plumber?” the speedy hedgehog said before allegedly falling into the street.

SonicMario

TMZ, of course, seized the opportunity to stir controversy and continued their inquiries as the 16-bit character regained his balance on a refurbished pair of Power Sneakers.

“That Guinea can’t keep up with me. I do all the god damn work and he still gets to fuck that fine ass princess. What’s her name? Pear?”

At this point, Sonic’s publicist rushed from the bar to shuffle her client into the back of a limousine, but not before one final drunken jab: “Tell that Meatball I’ve got a toilet that needs fixing!”

Nintendo Vice President of Public Relations Edgar Paulson released the following statement: “We were saddened to hear Mr. Hedgehog’s comments today. Our partnership with the recently fired Sega character obviously has ended.”

Video game experts predict that Nintendo will take advantage of the scandal by celebrating Italian-Americans, possibly by pairing Mario with a fellow countryman in an upcoming release. Allegedly, Little Mac from Punch Out!! — who has been enjoying retirement in Sicily for years — has been rumored as Sonic’s replacement.

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