A recently completed study supervised by the FCC confirmed what the commission had believed to be true for years: namely, that swear words are more offensive coming from minorities than white people.
These findings have wide-reaching ramifications, particularly with regards to radio censorship. More specifically, censors now have statistical data to back up their preexisting policies on lyrical appropriateness.
“We’ve always conducted ourselves as though this was the case,” said FCC Assistant Vice President on Radio Censorship, Alfred Puhrman. “It’s nice to know we were right all along.”
When asked to cite specific examples, Puhrman didn’t hesitate.
“Take the word ‘shit,’ for example. We don’t allow this word on the radio, at least not when uttered by blacks or Mexicans. Something about the aggressiveness of their hippity hoppity music makes it sound harsh and distasteful. On the other hand, when Steve Miller or Alanis Morissette sings the word, it feels relatable and light-hearted. We permit that. Always have.”
Puhrman concluded by saying, “In the end, it’s simply about offending the least number of white people.”
Allegedly, however, ebonics-specific terms — such as “skeet,” whatever that means — will remain permissible due to white people’s confusion as to their definition.