Local uncle Reggie Upwith spent Saturday evening locked in a nutritional conversation with his disinterested nephew Andrew. According to onlookers, the fast food industry was the primary focus of his diatribe.
“Don’t let the media trick you! I’ve eaten a Big Mac every day for twenty years and I’m healthy as an ox!”
Conditioned by years of specious reasoning, Andrew chose simply to smile and remain quiet. As he attempted to extricate himself from the repetitive discussion, however, Reggie activated his powers of Ignorant Uncle and cornered the 17-year-old.
“And you can’t tell me French Fries ain’t the same as a baked potato! It’s the same shit, you know that right?”
Bystanders regarded Reggie’s closing argument as particularly poignant. “Your grandfather, Pat? He died at fifty-eight and he ate salads and shit,” Reggie confidently submitted.
Those close to Andrew believe that, unscientific anecdotal evidence notwithstanding, the high school junior will continue to avoid eating at McDonald’s.