Veteran Doctor Demands Trade After Hospital Brings in Young New Podiatrist

A podiatrist of twenty-seven years, Doctor Saul Brentford today was stunned and infuriated to learn that the hospital at which he works has hired a young new colleague. Brentford’s recent $80,000 bonus and a guarantee from the Chief of Medicine that he would still be working with the community’s most interesting feet have done little to curb the fifty-four-year-old’s outrage. The veteran doctor has gone … Continue reading Veteran Doctor Demands Trade After Hospital Brings in Young New Podiatrist

Cursing Less Offensive When Spoken by White People, New Report Finds

A recently completed study supervised by the FCC confirmed what the commission had believed to be true for years: namely, that swear words are more offensive coming from minorities than white people. These findings have wide-reaching ramifications, particularly with regards to radio censorship. More specifically, censors now have statistical data to back up their preexisting policies on lyrical appropriateness. “We’ve always conducted ourselves as though … Continue reading Cursing Less Offensive When Spoken by White People, New Report Finds

Hollywood’s Fiercest Rivalries — Episode 1: Gilbert Gottfried and The Dog From Frasier

Most fans know him as Eddie, the lovable Parson Russell Terrier from the television series Frasier. His real life name was Moose, and until his death in 2006, you’d be hard-pressed to find a fiercer rivalry than the one between him and comedian Gilbert Gottfried. The long-running feud dates back to 1993, the year the hit TV show went on the air. According to Gottfried, … Continue reading Hollywood’s Fiercest Rivalries — Episode 1: Gilbert Gottfried and The Dog From Frasier

McDonald’s Good For You, Insists Uninformed Uncle

Local uncle Reggie Upwith spent Saturday evening locked in a nutritional conversation with his disinterested nephew Andrew. According to onlookers, the fast food industry was the primary focus of his diatribe. “Don’t let the media trick you! I’ve eaten a Big Mac every day for twenty years and I’m healthy as an ox!” Conditioned by years of specious reasoning, Andrew chose simply to smile and … Continue reading McDonald’s Good For You, Insists Uninformed Uncle

Hitler Reportedly Upset That Stalin Has Better Condo in Hell

According to sources close to the Führer, Adolf Hitler is apparently dissatisfied with the size and location of his new condo in Hell. A recent bureaucratic restructuring of Hell’s top executives — which has resulted in a shift in the afterlife destination’s housing policy — has led to mandatory moves, not all of which have been met with citizens’ approval. Newly appointed head of Habitation … Continue reading Hitler Reportedly Upset That Stalin Has Better Condo in Hell